You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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