i can't believe i had my finger in that
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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