meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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