Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
