I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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