:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
