my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
