i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
