well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
