so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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