____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
