man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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