do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
