you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
NoShamevember. You game?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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