The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
