If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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