Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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