im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
