i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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