i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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