Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
