Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
