Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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