remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
