Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
