she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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