Yo dont text me then not text me
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
