apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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