like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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