Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
