after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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