the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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