there's paper in my vomit.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize