She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just gargled with NyQuil
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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