I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I want to be your penis for a week.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
