I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
