I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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