she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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