glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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