you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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