do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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