i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
