and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
