Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
