READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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