i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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