wakey wakey hands off snakey
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
