Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
