Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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