she was so not down for the gang bang
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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