it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
