I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
